10 things I hate about (rubbish) web copy

I promise this blog post about rubbish web copy isn’t * just * a rant. Although, I may find it cathartic. Nope, this blog post is a lowdown on some of the biggest web copy no-nos I see – and yes, they make me feel all GRRRRR, but I’m not saying this because I’m a pedantic cow (or, maybe I am a little?). No, I hate them (or strongly dislike them, should I say?) because they actually cause you – the business owner – to confuse your target audience, put them off and lose potential sales. And that’s just really rubbish for you.

Your web copy should be working hard for you. It should be making your target audience go, ‘yep, yep, and YEP’, so when it doesn’t – and it’s making faux pas – you are losin’ out! I do not like this. So enough ranting, Zoe. Let’s get practical. Read on, and find out:

• the 10 things I hate about (rubbish) web copy
• why I hate these things
• and what you can do about it (if you’re making any of these web copywriting mistakes)

1. ‘Welcome’ on your home page

Enter theeeee most pointless piece of copy in the world. Often occupying that juicy H1 title, this web copy faux pas is not just rubbish for SEO (because what does ‘Welcome’ tell Google about your business), it’s rubbish for your user. It’s boring, and uninspiring, and your audience does not need to be welcomed to your website. Reminder: it is the 21st century, and we hop around websites like… well, like your grandma had school dinners?! Does that make sense?

Recap: why I hate ‘welcome’ (and you should too)

• it says nothing
• it’s pointless
• it’s rubbish for SEO (no keywords)
• it’s boring

What can you do instead?

Delete it! Get rid. And replace with a fab impact statement. Something pow pow pow that will reassure your audience they are in the right place, straightaway. No messing. And no vague ‘welcome’ sign.

2. Jargon your audience won’t understand

Cue the *eye roll*. Yep, jargon is mostly annoying. You might think you look like the bees-knees in your industry if you’re talking about ThE LaTeSt InNoVaTIoN <insert techy word>, but your audience may feel baffled. And this is not just in techy industries! Nope, I’m gonna take you back to when I had my son. I left the hospital with my newborn baby. Tired, exhausted and with lots of wonderful (read: not wonderful at all) breastfeeding challenges ahead of us. When I went on various sites for support, there were a lot of techy terms that I know now – because I’m a mum who has gone through it. But as a new mum, I had NO IDEA what certain terms meant. I didn’t even know what ‘hand express’ actually meant. I felt totally lost and then <insert horrible time story>.

So why am I telling you this? Well, this is an example of where your web copy can be very sensitive to your audience – and reap the benefits. Imagine having the copy that breaks it down and says it clearly to a new mum – you’d cut through the noise, wouldn’t you?

We often assume that when we cut jargon, we mean technical terms. But sometimes, it’s not even that – it’s just really asking yourself if your audience knows what’s you’re talking about. Or do they need some help in understanding?

Recap: why I hate jargon (and you should too)

• it can be alienating
• it can be difficult and confusing, which makes your audience lose interest
• it can appear showy and make you not ‘likeable’
• it’s just a bit boring to read

What can you do instead?

My fave tips are

• research your ideal client
• read testimonials from those clients you love working with – and replicate their language
• ditch the jargon, edit it out

3. Waffle

Waffle in your web copy is similar to jargon – it’s boring, no one wants to read it, and it’s a major turn-off for your audience. Just get to the flippin’ point! The funny thing about waffle is it usually happens when you don’t really know what you’re trying to say. You know you need to write something, so you kind of write everything around it – without saying that clear thing you need to say.

Recap: why I hate waffle (and you should too)

• it’s boring
• it’s hard to read
• your prospects can’t be bothered to read it

What can you do instead?

The best thing you can do is get really clear on your message AND your goal for each web page – and keep centred on that while writing your web copy. my other fave tips are:

• edit and get ruthless
• write your message at the top of your page – and go back to it
• ask, ‘do we really need this?’/ ‘does this add value?’ and if not, get rid or firm up that section of copy

4. Big fluffy statements

You’re amazing at what you do, you have so much value to offer… annnnndddd you want to get this across loud and clear? Wonderful. Now don’t ruin it with a big fluffy statement that means f*ck all. Excuse my French. But I see this time and time again, and it gets on my wick. And that’s saying it politely. Because often, businesses are great at what they do, but they put people off with pompous claims and overly creative writing to make themselves sound ‘good’. You do NOT need to do this. If you demonstrate clear value and benefits to your audience, you will never need to rely on ‘tricking’ them with a fancy statement.

Now bear with me. I know you’re not intending to trick them. What I mean is that fluffy statements often take away from what your true value, benefit and service/ product is. They often happen when you’re trying too hard to impress. Or you pressurise a copywriter to come up with some kind of poetry. Yep, I’ve been there as this copywriter, and I can fundamentally say never again – and if you try and make me do that, I will tell you nope, it ain’t happening. Not because I’m a cow bag but because I don’t believe in fluffy words for the sake of pretty sentences. It makes no business sense. Most of the time, you confuse, piss people off and you miss an opportunity to explain your amazing value.

Recap: why I hate big fluffy statements (and you should too)

• it gives people the ‘ick’ (aka they just don’t like the feel of it)
• your prospects can probably see right through it
• it doesn’t give any value

What to do instead?

• go on a fluffy statement audit and take ‘em out
• rewrite copy with clear meaning and purpose

5. Big blocks of text

A bit like waffle, no one likes lots of text. It’s hard to read and a bit off-putting. Simple as that! And you know what? You might have loads of value in that big block of text – but no one is reading it. So why not do something about it?

Recap: why I hate big blocks of text (and you should too)

• hard to read
• off-putting

What to do instead?

• break them down
• add paragraphs
• add headings

6. Self-indulgent about pages

We have 56,783 years of experience in being amazing. Every staff member has 34 degrees and at least 5 doctorates. We’re the best in the industry – everyone knows it. Basically, we’re awesome – and if you don’t work with us, you’re a small-minded fool. Alright then. Snore. Self-indulgent about pages are boring AF. And you might feel like you’re simply putting your best foot forward but imagine going into a meeting and talking about how amazing you are. You would see your shiny new prospect start to glaze over, lose interest and make a snap decision to NOT work with you.

What to do instead?

It’s simple consumer psychology that the people buying like to feel special. They want to feel like you get them. align with them – and can solve their problems. If you go on about yourself and how amazing you are, that won’t necessarily tell a prospect what they need to know. So, instead, flip your about page on its head and focus on your audience. An old copywriting cliché is that it’s not about you; it’s about them – and this is oh-so-very true.

• make your about page about ‘them’ (your client)
• use it to align your values with theirs

7. Complex, confusing messaging

Simply, if you confuse, you lose! When you set out to write web copy, it’s quite common to feel overwhelmed. You want to add this in, and that in, and don’t forget that – and have I explained that thing?! It’s super easy to lose sight of what your message is – that one key message you want to get across. And then what happens? It all gets a bit jumbled. I have seen countless businesses who do awesome things overcomplicate their web copy by just not having one clear simple message. This links to point 4 too, when businesses use fluffy statements.

Why complex, confusing messaging (and you should too)

• ‘if you confuse, you lose’

What to do instead?

• spend some time creating a simple message
• be clear, use plain English to say exactly what you do, how you do it, who you do it for – and why someone needs it

8. Testimonials (with no thought)

Ok, hear me out. Testimonials are awesome. Most of the time. But on occasion, businesses slap every damn testimonial they ever received – even that one you got from your Aunty Sandra – on their website. And this could be costing you business, rather than earning it. Because testimonials act as social proof that you are indeed amazing. But amazing to Aunty Sandra is different to the client you actually want to work with.

Why I hate testimonials with no thought behind them (and you should too)

• social proof builds trust, BUT the wrong positive testimonials can do more damage

What to do instead?

• select great testimonials
• edit them down if they’re super long
• consider carefully pulling them through from Google (although handy to automate, consider if it’s causing more harm than good)

9. Little copy/ no copy

I’m rubbish with trends. I am one of those people who pick up on a fashion 6 months later. But often, I think they are short-lived for a reason. Like minimalist websites. Looks cool? Yeah, sure. But for Google, they were a bit tough to rank – ‘cos no words! And then for your audience, they were left thinking, ‘erm what does this business do again?’ and general feelings of uncertainty. Now don’t get me wrong, there will be cases where minimalist copy works because it’s what your audience would want. Let’s say a fancy-schmancy art studio, for example. Go for it. But I’m still not sure you’ll rank well on Google.

Why I hate little or no copy (and you should too)

• it might look cool, but you’re probably confusing (& losing!)

What to do instead?

• aim for 350 words per page at least

10. No keyword strategy

Let me caveat by saying this: keywords are not the be-all and end-all. You do not need to mention the word ‘lactation consultant’ a certain amount of times to rank. Ranking is based on the quality of your content – and spamming keywords all over your page isn’t cool. However, a few strategic keywords – and knowing what they are – can help focus your copy for Google and for your target audience’s benefit. After all, they want to see those keywords as it’s reassuring that you really are a lactation consultant (or any variation of the phrase they are googling).

Why I hate no keyword strategy (and you should too)

• missed opportunity (if search is part of your marketing strategy)

What to do instead?

• perform keyword research for each page
• identify your primary keyword and secondary keywords
• interweave them into the copy

And that’s my website copywriting rant over!

Are you pleased? Oops. Remember, though, I’m not being a cow bag! Promise. I’m telling you this as I know fixing these things can help you better engage your audience, create rapport and get those all-important website conversions (sales, enquiries, leads!).

Is it time to hire a website copywriter?

(And squash any of this yucky web copy stuff for good). I got you. Check out my website copywriting services here.